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Author Topic: New members.  (Read 2124 times)

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Bevsy21

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Re: New members.
« Reply #15 on: December 15, 2015, 11:44:39 pm »
Hi

Again thanks for the kind words. Regarding my baby boy which is what I used to call him I am still a mess. It is a week today and I can't begin to tell you how I miss him. On top of the loss of not having him around I have terrible guilt about his ending. Rather than go over it again I will copy my email and reply to Andrea who treated Bolo at Langfords which is a small animal and vet training  hospital. He went there for two days at our vets request

Please be warned that it is a difficult read. I am not after sympathy it is just genuinely how I feel and something I will have to live with. I didn't go to work last week as I couldn't stop breaking down. I was honest with my employers but it has apparently not gone down well in some quarters. Guess I should have just lied. I work in a factory in a job I detest with many people who I also detest. For me this makes the loss worse as when I used to get home from my shift Bolo always made things right. Bev works shifts also so we only ever sleep in the same bed at weekends. So, you've guessed it both dogs in the bed  with either me or Bev. No matter what shift I was on he always got out of the warm bed to great me. I used to sit on the stairs to take my boots off and he would always rest his head on my shoulder.  He was so special, every one who knew him said so. A big daft gentle giant.

I think this explains things perfectly. Today I have found some strength to talk about things to certain people who I get on with. I told one chap about an article I read on a pet bereavement site regarding the MP R. Hattersly. He stated that he felt more grief for the loss of his fifteen year old dog than when his ninety year old mother died. The chap's response was " huh couldn't have loved his mum much then". My response was " couldn't it be that he just really loved his dog? And perhaps he wasn't that close to his mum" I received no further response just a look. Some people just can't comprehend the depth of my love for my dog.

Bolo was so different to Leah who is more selective in every way, people,dogs,food etc. But if she likes you you'll know about it. She is such a Daddy's girl and that was the reason we got Bolo as Bev was feeling left out. I love Leah to bits,sure she is feisty but it can be oh so comical.

I'm kind of reluctant to post the email now, please bear in mind it was a day after Bolo's passing. My feelings were very raw. I am getting better  but can't stop focusing on the end and how I feel I let the big fella down.

Nick.

Hi Andrea

Thought I should let you know that Bolo lost his fight against CKD yesterday. Myself and Bev are distraught to say the least. Myself more so than Bev as I now have terrible guilt that I let Bolo down. Our vet Amy says we didn't and it was the right time and not too late.

If you bear with me I would like to explain his last days with my thoughts and some questions.

Okay so I believe Amy spoke to you last week about Bolo and it was decided to put him on another half pill a day for his high blood pressure along with fluids given for eight hours.
He went in for the treatment on Friday still relatively bright and alert. However upon his release it was clear to myself and Bev that his condition had deteriorated

On the Saturday he was vomiting which he wasn't before and very lethargic. He seemed to go inward and would not eat a thing, whereas before he would albeit from our hands. this was also the first time we noticed him having the shakes and chattering teeth. Do you think this could have been a result of the new meds or fluid treatment? Or his release just coincided with a natural progression of the disease?

On the Sunday the vomiting stopped but he was still very down and not eating. Come Monday morning much the same but he did manage a little walk. Monday afternoon he seemed worse again not really moving at all and he kept staring into space in trance like state. Even if he had his eyes on you it was like he was looking through you, like he wasn't there. Is there any way you could describe to me medically speaking the reason for this trance like behaviour as it was very upsetting to see.

After reading up on CKD I knew the symptoms and what lay ahead and I swore to myself we would not let him suffer. One site I found had nearly twenty end stage symptoms and Bolo only ever had about five of them until the Saturday when the symptoms started to rise.

I went in to see Amy Monday afternoon to get some anti sickness pills and it was decided to put him to sleep Wednesday. However, upon seeing him when I got home it was clear from the way he was looking at me that Wednesday was too far away, he wanted it to stop. Bev phoned Amy to try and get a home visit that day. They could not do it unless we went to them and I really did not want to move him so we rescheduled for Tuesday 13.00 hrs.

I stayed by his side all day and all night waiting for Amy to arrive. During that time he went very withdrawn, trancing and his back legs buckled when he tried to move. Now clearly he was really suffering now . I had let him down. I can only hope that his zonked out state was just that and that he was out of it rather than being in bad pain. I guess we will never know that but deep down I know he was suffering.


Amy arrived and said it was the right time and we'd not left it too late. for me though it was a day too late and I hate myself for it as Bolo only ever showed me unconditional love. He was such a sweet natured dog he really didn't deserve that last twenty four hours. Amy was saying the right things to console the grieving couple as you would expect a professional to do so. But that's her job isn't! it? she was very caring but I don't believe her when she says it was the right time. it was too late.

Should I have asked you to come out on the Monday or contacted another vet? I knew it was time but felt it was too short notice for anyone but I didn't even try for him.

So like I said the last Twenty four hours was totally and utterly heart breaking to have to witness.

Upon receiving the news from yourself in person should we have took steps there and then? or within a week or so? We knew he was very sick and it was selfish on our part but he really didn't look that sick. And stupidly in the back of my mind I was hoping with treatment he could have gone on much longer than his prognosis stated like you read about in the news from time to time.

I read online advice about when is the right time and it seems the general consensus is when then won't eat. I forgot to mention on the Monday he would not drink either. He would go up to his bowl and just stare at it. I think he had pain in his throat possibly from ulcers as he was constantly burping acid and the smell was bad. We gave him water from a syringe which he accepted up until about six hours from the end. So he went four days not eating before the end which probably isn't excessive I guess. It's just the speed of his deterioration really caught us unaware. Bev says we did all we could and that that as soon as he went down hill we had him done.

Well he was certainly ready as when Amy administered the final drug he was due to have one and a half syringes full and he was gone before the first one was emptied. I genuinely believed if he had not been put to rest he would have passed within the next forty eight hours anyway.

This has been totally heart breaking and if I knew what I know now I would have had him done sooner. like I said though the speed in the end caught us unaware and if we did him too early would that be something we would constantly ask ourselves?I now know though that that would be preferable to him suffering.

There is not a dry eye in the house and while I appreciate this is not your concern now if you could give me any info regarding his suffering and trance like state and confused condition it would be much appreciated.

We cleaned him up and spent a further hour cuddling him before wrapping him and taking him personally to the crematoriam. We collect his ashes tomorrow. Without doubt this has been the worst forty eight hours of my life.

Myself and Bev would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the care you and your team provided for Bolo. We really appreciated it very much.

Kind regards

Nick & Bev
« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 01:21:26 am by Bevsy21 »

Bevsy21

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Re: New members.
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2015, 01:13:08 am »
I decided not to post Andrea's reply as I don't have her permission.

Nick.

Bevsy21

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Re: New members.
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2015, 01:40:57 am »
Further background.

Bolo only went to the vet because he had a cough which I later read is dry heaving. Was given antibiotics which didn't work so they took blood. That was when he went to Langfords.

His cretinine levels were in the 1200s. They couldn't believe he looked so well. He was diagnosed stage four CKD with pancreatitis and given three months max. We just wanted him for Xmas but he was gone at three weeks.

Nick.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 01:56:15 am by Bevsy21 »

Bevsy21

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Re: New members.
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2015, 02:25:11 am »
http://s265.photobucket.com/user/bullyleah/media/027.mp4.html


Found an old video of my two terrorising poor Mable. Some of Bolo as a pup too. Looking back he probably got what he deserved from Leah as he was a little bugger. Funny how you forget.

Press the circle in the middle.

« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 02:37:49 am by Bevsy21 »

Offline Ruth

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Re: New members.
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2015, 09:58:16 am »
You know what Nick - you can beat yourself up about being 24 hours too late to ease Bolo's suffering - or you can remember the love you gave him and the fact he loved you so much - and who's to say given a choice he wouldn't have chosen to stick with his 'Dad' for an extra day or so? Despite the pain :'(

We can only do our best - we cant remember the what ifs - we have to remember the great times, the good times, the stupid times, the big oaf times, the cuddles and the kisses. It sounds like Bolo had a fantastic life with you and your wife. If you work in rescue you will understand how great that is to know a dog has had a full and happy life (however long that may be for) free from fear, beatings, neglect, cold and hunger. Bolo would thank you just as you are grateful to Bolo for all the joy he gave you.

My old girl had dilated cardiomyopathy and mitral valve disease and she was give 3 months to 2 years to live when she was diagnosed. She was with me for a further 8 years and when the time came for her to go, she fought every step of the way - how bad did that make me feel? I didn't arrange a vet home visit - I wish I had - I wish had taken a week off work and did that new fangled 'bucket list' thing with your dog - I didn't - I did what I thought was best at the time and that is how it panned out. We rarely get time to plan things how we want - that comes later along with the guilt.

Don't do it - enjoy Leah and remember the good times - you gave Bolo a great life that is all that matters.  :-* :-*
Ruth & Archie & Lucy (RIP)
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Offline Ruth

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Re: New members.
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2015, 10:05:30 am »
Just looked at your video - Bolo wasn't too keen on stairs was he :P :P :P :P

have also put my fave pic of the two of them in the gallery if you prefer another one up there let me know ;D ;D ;D
Ruth & Archie & Lucy (RIP)
XX

Offline B.ORCHID

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Re: New members.
« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2015, 12:34:08 pm »
Ruth is right Bolo was lucky to have the love you gave and you were damn lucky to have him so there! He was a beautiful dog and you still have a gorgeous girl Leah.
Enjoy your time together and only think of the love and joy you shared that is what really counts.xxx

Offline the Londons

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Re: New members.
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2015, 04:18:30 pm »
Just cried my eyes out reading this :'(....i agree with every word Ruth and Lorraine have said...he was so lucky to have you both...and you him...think of all the joy he gave you and the goodl life he had with you...it will carry you through...im gutted reading this...but glad that you can shere your feelings with us all...god bless you both....and Bolo :-*

Offline BulliesRBest

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Re: New members.
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2015, 09:02:19 pm »
oh my.............having a little cry here..... so upset for you all :'( :'( :'(

i cant add anything more to wot the others have said.......... agree wholeheartedly........ you loved him and did the best for him..........he loved you and had a great life....neither of you could ask for more :'( :'( :'(

please dont let guilt sour your memories..... remember him as he was............enjoy leah...............and perhaps.........in the future...........get another bundle of bullie joy to make her life interesting ;) ;) ;)

Bevsy21

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Re: New members.
« Reply #24 on: December 17, 2015, 02:43:34 am »
Hi all

Thank you for your support. I know what you say to be true.

I'm now finally getting a grip on my emotions, posting has helped.

Final thoughts, me and Bev don't have kids so our dogs are our babies. The thing that you guys know is that bullies are unlike any other dog breed. I love all dogs but bullies are so special and unique, not only in appearance but personality. That's why I'm here I guess.

Deep down I don't think Leah will accept another adult dog in the home. A puppy however maybe an option but having a quick look at pups for sale I became very annoyed at how many aren't health screened for CKD. There are clearly two forms of the disease which effect Bull Terriers and screening isn't expensive. It appears many bullies are being taken by this nasty disease. I don't know how but pressure should be put on breeders to screen. I for one would not buy one without seeing health checks for parents and pup. I have found some breeders who take pride in their approach to health which is nice to see but they seem few and far between.

Heartfelt thanks again was nice to read your stories,views and experiences with your bullies.

Nick.

Offline soosiesu

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« Reply #25 on: December 17, 2015, 04:14:57 pm »
we r here for u.........my Marley is in double figures  :o ..............up till now pretty healthy.............slight murmur but nowt to worry about...............fingers crossed...... :-\ :-\

my heart is heavy for u but as the others said u did your best for bolo and that is wot matters......... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Soosiesu

Offline Clare Kearley

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Re: New members.
« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2015, 08:54:41 pm »
Dear Nick and Bev

I think we all get really caught up on our losses and how we could have done things differently, I wrote about my loss with Billy in a nut shell but I feel he should never have been treated the way he was at the emergency vets - this sounds callous and it was never about the money but I had to pay eight hundred pounds and he lived for less than ten minutes after I picked him up.  I couldn't go into work either and managed to work one day in a week and even then I was a mess some people understood and some didn't - im passed caring what other people think it really doesn't matter you need to do what is best for you at this time so don't give the people who don't matter any thinking space..

I have a friend who lives in Spain and she has had bull terriers all her life and has had some ubearable pain with her losses - she intoduced me to the breed and they lost their bull terrier dog 'Raisa' (he was supposed to go to the Gorbachov's but when the Russian government broke down the breeder allowed them to have him) they lost him when he was six to kidney failure and sadly their story is similar to yours. He was a stunner and a real gent.

You did your best for him and loved him and gave him a good life and he loved you too and you are going through a really tough time and my heart goes out to you, anyone on this site will relate to your pain.  There are no easy answers and they only way to get over this is to go though it.

This sounds bad! But my Uncle died two months after Billy and my Mum had huge guilt in that she found Billy's death more painful than her own brother.  I think dogs seem more vulnerable than humans because we don't know what's going on with them and my belief is that's why we find it so much harder when they go..  You have had a really signifcant loss so don't hold back on letting it all out..

Bless you - all three of you I am thinking of you  :-* :-*


Offline soosiesu

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Re: New members.
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2015, 12:15:11 pm »
This sounds bad! But my Uncle died two months after Billy and my Mum had huge guilt in that she found Billy's death more painful than her own brother.

But the thing is your dog is with you everyday and a huge huge hole is left when they go..............there are things everywhere to remind you..............they loved you unconditionally............... :( :( :( :( obviously losing a family member is devastating but usually the impact on your life is less :o :o :o

Marley is a huge part of our lives and apart from my OH would have a HUGE impact when it is his time for the bridge :( :( :( :(
Soosiesu

Offline the Londons

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Re: New members.
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2015, 05:46:15 pm »
Aw dont Soosiesu.......dont want to even tnink about it.....our old neighbour where we used to live..lost her husband quiete a few years ago...but she told us that when she lost her dog...she cried MORE than when she lost her husband!!!!

Offline Ruth

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« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2015, 09:46:36 pm »
There are only good times to remember with your canine companions - no rows - no silences - no nagging - no niggling little faults that drive you insane - even the naughty things they have done are funny in retrospect - you just get unconditional love.

they are there for you whenever you want them to be - how can you not be devastated when they go :'( :'( :'( :'(
Ruth & Archie & Lucy (RIP)
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